“Friendly” or “Toxic”? Where to Draw the Line
THE SCENARIO
It began as what looked like harmless fun. A popular manager was known for being approachable and light-hearted, often cracking jokes in meetings and adding playful emojis to team chats. Most colleagues laughed along. But one employee felt differently.
At night, she sometimes received messages with winking or suggestive emojis. Nothing explicit, but enough to leave her uneasy. She didn’t want to overreact — after all, everyone liked him, and wasn’t he “just being friendly”? Still, the discomfort lingered until she finally raised it with HR.
THE HR DILEMMA
Many HR managers sigh at cases like this. The behaviour is subtle, “under the radar,” and no policy appears to have been clearly broken. Other staff insist the manager meant no harm, so isn’t this something the employee should handle directly by setting boundaries herself? After all, HR doesn’t want to be seen as the fun police every time colleagues joke around.
But one HR manager chose to look deeper. In quiet conversations with other team members, a troubling pattern emerged: several employees also admitted the manager’s behaviour made them uncomfortable. They hadn’t spoken up earlier, worried they would be seen as overreacting.
THE TURNING POINT
The issue wasn’t intent — it was impact. While the manager never meant harm, his behaviour was creating unease across the team, and even discouraging staff from speaking up. That was the real problem.
With this perspective, HR intervened constructively: facilitating conversations, coaching the manager on his communication style, and helping the team rebuild trust. The employee felt heard, the manager gained awareness, and the company sent a clear message that respectful conduct matters.
Without HR’s deeper inquiry, those concerns might never have surfaced. Yet without action, discomfort and mistrust could have festered, damaging morale and engagement. The key lay in how HR intervened: with empathy and curiosity, not a heavy-handed approach.
WHAT HR CAN LEARN
Look Beyond Intent: Even well-meaning behaviour can have a negative impact that affects team morale.
Surface Hidden Patterns: Quiet conversations often reveal that more than one person is affected.
Act with Empathy: Interventions work best when framed as supportive coaching, not punitive action.
Prioritise Trust and Clarity: Employees speak up when they believe HR will listen and policies address grey areas.
We use case studies similar to this simplified version in our workshops to generate discussion and impactful learning points for HR managers. Have a look at our workshops to find out more.
